Healing the Broken
by FLECHER
Summary: They've acknowledged their feelings, but how do you open up, how do you help ease the suffering of someone who is just as strong as you are? -Oneshot- FemShep/Samara


**Okay, I've had this idea for a while, but the latest DLC gave me the push needed into finally writing it.**

**I hope you enjoy.  
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Ashira put up a calm exterior, her eyes open only by slits as she remained seated on the floor, her hands clasped just below her abdomen as she slowly breathed in and out. Her mind was anything but calm though, all due to the regal Asari sitting within arm's reach to her side.

A week had passed since aiding Liara, and a month since the end of their mission against the Collectors.

The former was still vividly fresh in her mind, most of all the Spectre, Tela Vasir, her dying words used to condemn the Commander and show her that she had no right to judge the Asari. Pointing out the things Cerberus had done did nothing to ease Ashira's anger, and it made her realise that everyone still thought she was with Cerberus. No one knew she had told the Illusive Man to go screw himself.

"_I'm not __**with**__ them!"_ she had growled back, fists clenching briefly. She had knelt down, her voice going quiet as she spoke to the dying Vasir. _"I'm done with them, when my mission with them was complete I betrayed them and set them back severely. So don't think I'm one of their hapless pawns; when I get the chance, __**believe**__ me, the Illusive Man will beg for me to end his life," _she had leaned back, and found Tela glaring back at her, eyes hard and angry; but no longer judging.

Ashira shook her head, losing focus and closing her eyes tightly in a deep frown. The fight along the hull, through the ship, and finally confronting the Shadow Broker, it was all a blur. That wasn't what was bothering her so much. _Samara,_ Ashira opened her eyes again, giving up on meditating for now.

It wasn't surprising that the Shadow Broker had dossiers on her squad, and a few other people of note that she had run into. But what startled her was the information she found, alongside other snippets about her crew, Samara stood out to her the most; no shock there. The conversation between Samara and her two remaining daughters was heart wrenching enough without trying to imagine how the Justicar must have felt at that point.

There was something about looking at the list of things she had left behind - or forced to give up as the case may be - that made it hit home just how thoroughly Samara's life had been shattered. Such simple things and yet the fact that they summarized someone's life into one familiar image of a family…

Ashira gave up entirely, resting her face in her hands. The point of her own meditation was to fight the urge that had been burning inside of her ever since she had read the Shadow Brokers dossier on Samara.

They had acknowledged their emotions, how they felt about one another, one of the reasons they were meditating together right now. But things were still difficult, being open and honest about their wounds was hard for both of them, even to each other. Yet all Ashira wanted to do now was throw that all aside, embrace Samara and make it all go away. She didn't care how much of her own pain would be brought to the surface, but if it helped, if it made things easier between them; able to trust one another to show what they were in the dark…

Ashira got to her feet, and noticed the biotic sphere dissipate immediately, Samara was giving her a questioning look, merely curious. The soldier didn't usually leave so soon.

"I need to talk to you, later on, not here," Ashira's tone made it clear where exactly she wanted to talk. They held each other's gaze, and Ashira felt that Samara knew what she wanted to talk about, somehow. Eventually, the Justicar gave a simple nod and returned to her meditations, allowing the Commander to leave.

As the door to the observation deck slid shut, Ashira's pace slowed to a halt. How was she going to do this?

"Hey Shep!"

The friendly greeting went completely unnoticed; Ashira was lost in her thoughts. "Shep?"

She jumped slightly upon realizing that Kasumi was talking to her, the thief had decided to remain on the ship for two reasons. The fact that the Reapers were no doubt coming posed _certain_ risks, and made disappearing seem rather redundant. Secondly, what was a safer place to hide than among the deadliest team ever put together? Lead by someone who flat out refused to die no matter how much punishment was thrown at her no less.

Kasumi looked a little worried, "you okay, Shep? You look pastier than usual."

Ashira opened her mouth for a second, wondering what she could possibly say; her thoughts were completely jumbled now. She sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair with a deep frown.

This did nothing to make Kasumi leave her alone, "having trouble with Samara?" her voice lowered.

Ashira looked her sharply, her expression a mix of desperation and puzzlement. She gestured her head slightly towards Kasumi's 'room' and they both walked over, leaving the door to shut behind them.

Kasumi seated herself on the couch, crossing her legs. She was comfortable enough around Ashira to push her hood back, "so, what's going on?" she tilted her head, watching the soldier settle on the other end from her. Ashira shook her head slowly, a frown furrowing her brows, "I just- I don't know. I want to be able to," she paused, trying to find the right words, "help her."

The thief's brow quirked, "help her?"

Ashira cringed slightly upon hearing Kasumi echo her, it didn't sound as 'good' out loud. "I know she feels more pain than she lets on, I just want to be able to let her know that I-I just-" she kept stumbling over her words. "You want her to know that you're there for her?" Kasumi finished what Ashira couldn't, and the soldier gave a heavy sigh, throwing up her hands, "more than that! I want her to know that I would do anything to lessen her pain, to make it easier. She once told me that burdens are to be carried alone, that's how it should be; but no one is that strong."

Kasumi frowned, "you don't think she's strong enough?"

Ashira flinched, looking at Kasumi with a torn expression and hurt in her eyes, "no! I don't know! I - I..." she grit her teeth hard, looking away and leaning forwards to rest her face in her hands, elbows on her knees. The gentle shaking of her shoulders told Kasumi enough, she shifted over to the soldier, and gently lay an arm around her. "Please, I'm sorry. Shep, maybe she _did _tell you that; but I've seen what burdens do to people. Like you."

Ashira let her hands drop, leaning on her knees with her head bowed and eyes remaining resolutely shut. "What?" her tone was wavering slightly. "Every life in the known galaxy is resting on your shoulders, Shep. Every single one," Kasumi murmured. That fact in and of itself would be enough to drive most people insane, to know that the existence of everything and everyone they knew depended entirely on them winning.

The soldier was quite for a moment, before shaking her head and mumbling, "I know that." Kasumi was quick to keep the conversation going, "how do _you _deal with that?" she was actually curious about the answer.

Ashira finally opened her eyes, and was silently thankful that no tears fell, "meditation and drinking," she answered bluntly. Kasumi's eyebrows rose, "seriously?" she almost sounded amused. Ashira looked at her, somewhat downtrodden and not in the mood to be ridiculed, "what?"

Kasumi put her hands in the air in a harmless gesture, a smile on her lips, "nothing! Its just an interesting mix; I didn't take you for the 'meditation' type," her smile curled into a smirk, "or was that something picked up from you-know-who?"

Ashira scoffed lightly, a twitch of a smile appearing on her lips, "no, I picked that up on my own; but I have found it easier when she's there." Kasumi nodded lightly, leaning back against the couch, "so back to Samara." A tenseness became apparent in Ashira's body, and she rubbed tiredly at her face, "yeah." Taking a deep breath, she suddenly found a line between the plating on the floor to be utterly fascinating, "I saw the pain in her eyes when she spoke to me about Morinth, her family. The wounds are still there, and they're still so painful; all I want is for her to be able to let me in."

Kasumi tilted her head, "to 'heal' her?"

Ashira cringed again, "you make it sound like I'm being a jerk for wanting that." She heard herself saying that in her head and instantly agreed with it, "maybe I am." Unsurprisingly, this threw Kasumi, "how could you be a jerk?" she frowned. Ashira shook her head, pressing her palm to her forehead, "I'm being selfish, I want to intrude where I clearly don't belong nor do I feel welcome."

Kasumi's frown deepened, "a moment ago you wanted nothing more than to help her, now you're not so sure?"

The soldier was quiet for a moment, and closed her eyes as she barely whispered her next words, "how do you help someone who's as strong as you are? Maybe even stronger," her hands clenched slowly, and relaxed just the same, "perhaps I should've kept my feelings to myself in the first place; I guess you were right about this." A burst of pain spread from her heart and all over her body, remembering Kasumi's words of doubt about anything happening between her and Samara at all. At the time she had been irritated, saddened, hurt, and most of all feeling like a prick. Now though, it seemed as if she should've listened.

It made sense though, at least according to her. The one person she had ever loved before had died violently on Akuze, she had always kept people at a distance after that, and then came Samara. _You idiot,_ Ashira's mouth twisted in a painful grimace. _How could you possibly be so arrogant to assume that she needs a weak, broken ghost of a soldier like you? You have your purpose, why couldn't you have just been happy with that?_

Kasumi's hands on her shoulders brought her out of her thoughts, the thief having moved and knelt down in front of her. The look on her face was very serious, "don't tell me you actually believe that," she murmured, disbelief clear in her voice. "Shep, when she mentions you her eyes are warm, and she smiles. Do you honestly think that came from being delighted over the success of the mission, or the Shadow Broker's destruction? That came from _you_."

Ashira stared at her, wordless for a moment, her eyes were uncertain. Kasumi smiled, trying to look reassuring, "I made a mistake, okay? I shouldn't have said what I did. To be honest, I don't think there could be anyone else for either of you." The soldier's face showed brief surprise, before a clarity seemed to return to her gaze. "I think…" she took a breath, swallowing hard, "I think I might know what to do."

Kasumi's smile widened, "Oh? Got the ol' brain going there, Shep?"

Ashira's lips twitched in what might've been another smile, and got to her feet; Kasumi carefully stepped away. "Well, I knew this was going to hurt me in the first place; at least I know what to do now. Thanks, Kasumi," she inclined her head politely, and then turned to leave.

**- One Hour Later - **

The waiting felt like an eternity, pacing back and forth up in her cabin, wondering if Samara would actually come to speak with her. Would she simply deflect again? Before, Ashira hadn't wanted to intrude, now it felt as if she needed to. She muttered to herself, settling down on the end of her bed and quietly waiting for Samara to show.

"Ashira."

She looked up to see the door closing behind Samara's ebony clad figure, the Justicar's gaze as calm as usual. "Samara," Ashira rose to her feet, "I-"

Samara held up her hand briefly, "I know what you wish to talk about." A cold tremor went through Ashira's body, apprehension settling easily in her gut. "Really?" she knew what the other would say next; it came as no surprise. That didn't mean Ashira liked it. "I'll say what I always say, please don't concern yourself with these matters. You needn't worry."

A frown drew Ashira's brows together, "can't you at least be honest with me?" she couldn't quite keep the irritation from her voice. Samara averted her eyes, "what do you expect from me, Shepard?" her tone was colder.

It felt like someone had sucker punched her, Ashira grimaced briefly, "don't call me that, _please_ don't call me that," she started to walk over, wanting to be closer rather than on the other side of the room. Samara noticed this and immediately took a step back, "you mustn't." Ashira stopped a few steps away, "mustn't what? Try to get close?" another frown came to her, hurt and confused. "What happened? When _this_ started, it seemed okay, you seemed welcoming and it was mutual. Now, if I try to approach, you withdraw, and push me away."

Silence hung in the air between them, and Ashira continued before it had the chance to choke her. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you, I want to be able to understand, to help. Why do you have to be so set on shouldering all of this on your own?"

Samara's gaze on her sharpened, "I could ask you the same thing. You are the hero of the galaxy twice now, and your work is not even complete. You are still expected to stop the Reapers, you are still expected to do something anyone else would say was impossible. You shoulder that weight alone. So how, Shepard, can you continue your solitary path, and not respect my parallel wishes? I thought you would understand."

The desperation Ashira felt only grew, "because I _know_ what that burden is doing to me. I've kept my own pain, locked up, for so long. It's-" she grit her teeth, resisting the urge to reach up and grasp at her heart. It felt like someone was lighting it on fire, "it's slowly eating away at me, my meditation isn't helping and neither is that bottle I'm sure you've noticed under my desk."

Samara stared at her evenly, "I had noticed that," she murmured, making Ashira even more uneasy because she couldn't tell if the tone was one of disapproval or worry. The soldier reached up, rubbing at her forehead, "this was supposed to be about you, you know," she let her hand drop, staring back at Samara's pale blue eyes, "again you flip it around."

The Justicar seemed unmoved, if mildly irritated, "I am avoiding it, Ash, in case you did not notice. I simply do not wish to discuss this."

Ashira shook her head, "I think we do need to talk about it, because this?" she gestured between the two of them, "this can't work if I can't even _feel_ close to you," she looked away. "Ever since Akuze I spent every waking hour making sure no one was close to me ever again, even harder to make sure no one could touch my heart again," a deep frown furrowed her brow, and she looked back to Samara. "Then you came along, and before I even knew it, I was touched."

Again silence permeated the air, neither looking away as it continued to grow thicker like an oppressive smog.

Samara shifted a little, and finally broke the silence, "what _did_ happen on Akuze?"

That hadn't been what Ashira expected, "what do you-?"

Samara frowned, "you want me to be more open, can you say the same for yourself?" she asked calmly, despite her expression.

Ashira found no words coming to her, she had never spoken openly to anyone about what took place on Akuze, only that she had lost her unit and been helpless to stop it.

Samara turned away, "goodnight, Shepard."

Ashira stepped forwards, her hand touching Samara's shoulder, "okay," she spoke quietly, almost a silent whisper of breath; but Samara heard it and looked over her shoulder. "I'll tell you." At this, she turned to face the soldier, patiently waiting for her to start.

Where to start was the problem, how were you supposed to talk about something you never had before? Suddenly, Ashira realized what she was asking of Samara, but she forced herself to talk; there was little point in turning back now. "You-" she swallowed hard, trying to find her words, "you know that there was fifty in my unit, including me. My lover at the time, Nicole, was also there, part of the unit as a combat engineer. She was my one and only, I had never even been with another person before her; not even after her. I couldn't forget her."

Samara inclined her head, "what was she like?"

A sad smile tilted Ashira's lips, "bright blue eyes, dark red hair, soft peach skin. She always complained about how the tech wasn't moving fast enough, and also babbled techno-speak to me. I always listened though, she was cute when she talked about what she loved. She used to scold me for being too serious, so she taught the 'soldier girl' how to have fun; she was only serious on duty. We had to be careful, since there are rules in the alliance navy about relationships, but no one ever caught us. She always found it funny; if irritating."

Ashira shook her head, moving on from remembering Nicole's adorable smile, "anyway, when we reached the ruined colony, there was nothing to show for what happened there. So we camped for the night, hoping to make some sense of what went on the next day," she frowned painfully, the fire growing in her heart, "the Thresher Maws attacked that night, all them towering monsters that burst out from under our feet. There was so much blood, gunfire lit up the bodies and everyone was screaming," she shook her head, feeling her voice wavering as tears gathered in her eyes. She hated remembering this, it came to her every time she slept, reminding her of how utterly helpless she had been. "I tried to save some of them, but I realized it was pointless after the fourth was ripped from my hands. I just- I just ran and hid. I was a coward too afraid to go out there and try to protect my unit."

Samara interjected briefly, "if you hadn't, you would be dead now; you survived."

Ashira looked at her sharply, a painful expression on her face, "but she didn't," her voice was strangled by grief and guilt, the soldier wrapping her arms around herself and looking away. "Nicole ran to me for safety, like I was some kind of great protector that would save her from that nightmare," she shook her head slowly, closing her eyes. "One of the monsters burst up behind her, she didn't get a chance and all I could was scream as it…" tears slid down her face in a steady stream, her voice barely a whisper, "they _ate_ her; right after ripping her apart," she finally looked back at Samara again, "and all I did was _scream_."

The soldier finally turned away, rubbing at her arms. "When daybreak came, the Thresher Maws were long gone; body parts lay everywhere. I can still remember the stench, blood, bowels ripped open-" her arms tightened. "It was only when I could see the bodies clearly that I realized what that sizzling sound had been among the screaming, roars and gunfire. The acid from the Thresher Maw's had hit a lot of the unit; so many melted faces," her voice became a haunted whisper on the last part. "It made me _grateful _that Nicole's death had been swift. I don't think-" she shook her head, her voice wavering. "I couldn't have dealt with it if she had been hit as well, I would never have forgotten it. Skin stripped away, flesh blackened and oozing like half-set jelly."

"Someone must've managed to send a distress call somewhere in the middle of the attack, because the Alliance came and picked me up, the rest of it is a blur. I just remember voices asking me what happened, if I was alright, if I was hurt. I shut everything out after what happened, I didn't want anyone to be close to me ever again, I was-" by now a tremble was clear in Ashira's stance, "I was terrified at the thought that someone's life would be in my hands again, that I would befriend someone only for them to be killed."

Samara's voice broke through her thoughts, "you blamed yourself?" she sounded stunned. Ashira turned to face her, tears still running down her pale face, "how could I not? I was the one _leading _that unit; and all of them died."

The Justicar frowned, "how could you have protected them against something none of you had faced before?" this seemed to be the wrong thing to say, as Ashira arm's dropped to her sides, hands clenching tightly and teeth baring in a pained grimace. "I should have been able to! They counted on me, expected me to lead and protect them! To make sure that whatever mission we were sent on they came back home to their loved ones!" her breathing was hard, and her crying didn't cease. "And I failed - at the very least I should have been able to protect Nicole, I loved her more than anything, she was the one thing that truly mattered to me and that wasn't _enough_. Nothing I could have done would've saved her; no matter how much I wanted to."

There was a short silence, Ashira's quick breathing and half-stifled sobs the only thing disturbing it. Samara's expression softened, "you feel guilt for not being there for someone you loved."

Ashira hung her head, quietly nodding. Samara looked away from the human, a distant look to her eyes, "you understand more than I expected, seeing everything and everyone you know crumble around you," her hands clenched briefly, "and there isn't a single thing you can do." Ashira raised her head upon hearing this, and found herself wordless at the sadness in Samara's gaze. The Justicar's eyes fell shut for a moment, "I could not be there for those who mattered to me, my daughters; the knowledge that I hurt them when I left-" she shook her head, opening her eyes to stare back at Ashira; there was a pain in those pale blue eyes that Ashira couldn't hope to describe. "You understand the loss, but not what it means to be a mother and know you have hurt your own children."

Ashira frowned in confusion, "but, Mori-"

Samara cut her off, "if _anyone _aside from me killed her I would have wanted to hunt them," a pained frown came to her, "it _had _to be me, for more reasons than one." She sighed lowly, steadying her breath, "you and I both know what it is like to walk a solitary path, to face the fearful glare and sentiments of your loved ones and continue onwards. And you never ask yourself, why me? Even though in the back of your mind, you know it could be any one of those soldiers out there walking the lonely path. But no one is strong enough to shoulder it, you are not even certain of that yourself, the one who is responsible for protecting us."

Ashira smiled bitterly, her tears were coming to a stop, "so then tell me, how am I supposed to deal with it? How can I possible explain? Saying it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders isn't even figurative." Silence hung between them again, and Ashira shook her head, a short, cold laugh leaving her throat, "what we want doesn't even matter, Samara. Fate decided that we had to walk alone, no matter the suffering. Your life was destroyed, mine thrust into a state where death isn't even the worst thing on my mind. How is that fair?" she tilted her head.

Those pale blue eyes fell shut, "it isn't," Samara's voice was low for a moment, "I had often wondered why it all happened, I never came to any conclusion and tried to walk away from such thoughts; they only bring more pain." Her eyes opened, and she peered at the human before her, "you said that fate decided we had to walk alone, yet here we are."

Ashira frowned, "are we?" a flutter of hope rose inside her, and Samara did nothing to crush it, "I would prefer that." The soldier moved forwards, cautious, until she was standing in front of Samara, and carefully wrapped her arms around the Asari, her embrace becoming protective; and desperate. It was as if, suddenly, the Justicar was the only thing keeping her together. She felt Samara's arm move around her, returning the hold in much the same way; now, being apart seemed like an impossible idea.

Leaning close, Ashira's voice dropped to a whisper, "we owe this to each other, thankless heroes, lone wolves - broken warriors. We're all these things," their lips were less than an inch apart now, "but I need to be yours." Both were quiet for a few seconds, before Ashira gently leaned closer, her lips brushing Samara's. Her reaction was instant, turning the hesitant touch into a full kiss as her arms tightened around the soldier, moving up to loop around Ashira's neck and hold her young lover close.

As their embrace grew more passionate, Ashira gasped softly upon feeling a gentle pressure in her mind. "Relax," Samara whispered, easily soothing Ashira's brief surprise. Whilst she hadn't done this in a while, Ashira never had in the first place; a little surprise at the intrusion - however gentle - was expected. But the soldier relaxed quickly, letting Samara in as they resumed their kiss.

Emotions were the first things to touch, reaching out like fragile tendrils of light in the dark that when connected, burned bright like the fires of a star. It felt like she was standing in the sunlight, letting it wash over her in a welcoming, enveloping warmth that made her feel like she belonged. It touched every nerve and sense, and Ashira felt shivers run down her spine, her skin tingling. Fondness, care, love; the underlying sadness of what they had revealed to each other could be felt beneath it all. Whilst memories and thoughts began to flicker in between the sensations, their emotions remained dominant, continuing to intertwine like gently woven grass.

The next feeling nearly brought Ash to her knees, as for a moment, that sadness came through, the pain of what Samara had lost weaving itself in among that which Ashira herself had lost. She couldn't help it when tears escaped her eyes, and she returned the kiss harder than before, her protectiveness growing when she felt a similar wetness on Samara's cheeks.

A shiver of cold went over her as part of her mind realized her jacket had slipped to the floor, the warmth of the cloth against her skin now gone as she was left in a ftting, grey tank top. Ashira paid it little attention, trying to hold herself back because it felt as though she were on the edge of cliff, about to fall with nothing to catch her. It was tension, a fear of finally letting go, and Samara wordlessly enveloped it. Ashira gasped softly again, as rather than falling to her death, there was only a feeling of tearful relief. She bowed her head against Samara's neck, vaguely aware they had moved since the backs of her legs were pressing against her bed, falling back took little effort, and Ashira finally opened her eyes.

Samara was peering down at her, eyes half-shut in a look that made Ashira tremble as she lay atop the soldier. Ashira carefully reached up, Samara's eyes closing, and gently removed the symbols that constantly adorned her forehead. It was a brief pause in their connection as she set the ornaments aside, but quickly returned, laying her hands either side of Samara's face, cradling her as the soldier returned to their kiss once more.

Clothing became a distant concern the more of it was discarded, and Ashira marvelled at the feel of warm skin pressed to her own. There was something about their link, their trust in one another now, that made all this so ultimately profound. Love, grief and desire, all of it now entwined into something that would've floored Ashira had she still been standing. So many memories and thoughts passed by that she could no longer tell which were her own and which were Samara's, it was a flurry of imagery from moments that stood out to them both as important.

Whether that be logically or emotionally, was up to them.

**- Next Day -**

Kasumi had worried about the Commander, quietly hoping that things went well - she had meant what she said, that she didn't think there was anyone else for either of them. The two just _fit. _She would hate to see them torn apart, especially by each other because they might not understand how to be open with someone just as 'hardcore' as they were. As she put it anyway.

She sighed under her breath, shaking her head and continuing to read the romance novel she held, the weight of the book welcome and comfortable.

Suddenly, the door to her room opened, and before Kasumi could even look up a pair of arms wrapped around her in a tight hug. She blinked for a few moments in stunned surprised, "uh, Shep?"

The Commander pulled away, and there was a warm smile on her face, "thank you," her tone was utterly sincere. Kasumi raised a brow, "went well, I take it?"

All she got from the soldier was a mischievous smirk, and Ashira turned away, walking out with a slight spring to her step. Kasumi sat there for a few moments, thrown off track by how completely Ashira seemed to have changed. Somehow the thought of Samara acting the same way was incredibly disturbing. She shook her head again, softly laughing to herself; at least they were happy.

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**You have no idea how frustrating this was; and nerve-wracking. I just hope that it came off alright :S**

**I understand if how I ended the "scene" seems abrupt, but when I got to that last line about logic and emotion, I didn't know how to continue from that without having it feel like it was being needlessly dragged out, so I found a way to end it instead. Why no details? I'm sure you can figure out for youself what went on :P  
**

**Reviews will be appreciated :)  
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